Loss

When people think of loss they often associate it with one particular feeling, pain, but to me the two are unrelated. Unlike loss pain is simple, it hurts, that's all, you may think there’s more but that’s all up to context, pain itself just hurts. Pain is stagnant and never changing, no matter how many times you run the knife along your hand it will always hurt, and it will hurt the same. Loss has no pain, it doesn’t hurt, I just wish it did. Loss isn’t like cutting your hand with a knife, it’s like you don’t even have a hand. My loss doesn’t hurt, maybe it should but it just doesn’t. It’s like I’ve lost the ability to even feel pain, all that’s there is emptiness. a contradiction within itself. It’s often said but nothing can ever truly fill the hole left by loss, you can build around it create more in it’s place but it will never fit the hole perfectly. I think of it like a puzzle, we are built perfectly together but life can break apart our pieces, and sometimes we lose pieces. We can try and find new pieces but they can never fit the same. When I heard about the feelings of a great loss I expected it to hurt, I expected a great and tragic pain, but it never came. As soon as it happened I just felt empty, it sounds cold-hearted but never did feel the pain all I felt was guilt about not feeling the pain. Maybe that’s what makes loss so hard, pain is what reminds us we’re alive, so when we don't feel that pain, it seems like we’re dead.