Regret II

People are always want more from life, not matter how high I reach I always want to go higher. That's why I regret things maybe even if I think it was the right decision I wish I could have made a better one.

I think I did the right thing but I do regret what I did to you.

 

I regret the time I thrusted the knife through your stomach and watched as you bleed. I regret when I washed my hands of the blood. 

I regret wiping the floor of the blood and carrying you to the basement

At least now I can love you the way I want too

I just regret that I did't do it sooner

Regret

It’s impossible to choose every option when presented with a choice, so no matter what you do you will at one point in time make the wrong choice. Maybe we don’t realize it at the time but someday we will all look back and have regrets based on choices we made or the chances we didn’t take. So what then, if we all have regrets than what makes them hurt so much, it's because deep down we all want more. We always live our lives trying to reach the top but no matter how high we get, we always need more. Even if the good choices outweigh the mistakes I will always think about things I could have had, or the places I could be, but now I’m stuck in place. To me life is like walking through tunnels, sometimes you have a different direction you could move in, but you can never go back, and you can never see where you're going, so once you reach the end and you look back to see the paths you could have walked, and you realize that you lost. We like to say that all people can succeed in life and do something that makes them happy but in reality there really are people who lose at life, and it’s a scary thought so we, myself included like to ignore it. So what can we do about it, well nothing really, we will all have regrets and some of us will be losers but no matter what we are where we are so we might as well find something good in it. I don’t think about the relationships I lost because of a miscommunication, I think of the love I have in the relationship I have now. I don’t think about the tests I didn’t study for or the homework I forgot to do, I think about the tests I did well on and the places I’m going because of them. I don’t think about the fact I might fail to reach my goals I think about the goals I’ve already hit and the ones I’m going to. I don’t think about how I'm probably going to fail, I pretend, and act like I'm winning.
But maybe that's what I'll end up regretting.

Loss

When people think of loss they often associate it with one particular feeling, pain, but to me the two are unrelated. Unlike loss pain is simple, it hurts, that's all, you may think there’s more but that’s all up to context, pain itself just hurts. Pain is stagnant and never changing, no matter how many times you run the knife along your hand it will always hurt, and it will hurt the same. Loss has no pain, it doesn’t hurt, I just wish it did. Loss isn’t like cutting your hand with a knife, it’s like you don’t even have a hand. My loss doesn’t hurt, maybe it should but it just doesn’t. It’s like I’ve lost the ability to even feel pain, all that’s there is emptiness. a contradiction within itself. It’s often said but nothing can ever truly fill the hole left by loss, you can build around it create more in it’s place but it will never fit the hole perfectly. I think of it like a puzzle, we are built perfectly together but life can break apart our pieces, and sometimes we lose pieces. We can try and find new pieces but they can never fit the same. When I heard about the feelings of a great loss I expected it to hurt, I expected a great and tragic pain, but it never came. As soon as it happened I just felt empty, it sounds cold-hearted but never did feel the pain all I felt was guilt about not feeling the pain. Maybe that’s what makes loss so hard, pain is what reminds us we’re alive, so when we don't feel that pain, it seems like we’re dead.