Relfection

2.What do I really want to learn?

         Although people often claim that are modern school system is inefficient at preparing students for the real world and teaching them things of actually value, I disagree. While I see their point, the school system does fail in a lot of ways and is typically not friendly to the student, I believe that there is something you can get out of the school system that is worth value. I believe that I can take the values and education that school gives me and do something worthwhile to both me and everybody else with it. Personally, I want to become a lawyer and defend people accused of crimes, and I cannot do that with school to help me. I believe that it is extremely important to do something that you are proud of with your life, no matter what that is. For me, I have the abilities and skills that would benefit me in the field of trial law, and I also enjoy it, so I want to use school as a jumping off point to get me to accomplish this goal. Not only do I need to use school as a method to learn about the law, I want to, I do get pleasure out of learning about this. Although many people will say that school is pointless and they hate it, I think that it's not necessary people what is happening within the school but where it will take in the future. There are some people who do not get enjoyment out of learning and are content with where they are, and there are others who strike to learn and gain as much knowledge as possible. Regardless of which you fall under, I think there is something you can get out of school, everybody has something that they are passionate about, whether that be school related or not. I do enjoy learning new things and discovering more about the world, but more than that I am excited to take what I have learn and actually change the world with it. Everybody in school has the power to make a difference in the world, but most people just view it as the boring school they go to everyday. I want to learn so that I can accomplish my goals, and help people and society as much as possible. There are days where I don’t want to go school, or I don’t like and assignment, or I feel like it really is all just pointless, but regardless of all that I know that school is the key to my dreams. I have the power to actually help people with my abilities, so to me it would just be a waste if I didn’t try to accomplish that. I want to learn about the law because I like that, more than that I want to learn about the law because its worth it. If I can use school as a way to truly make the lives of the people around me and society as a whole better than not only do I want to that, I need to do that.

4.When do I feel most alive?

      For me there are two situation that I think make me feel the most alive, when I accomplish things, and when I’m with people I care about. I have a personally philosophy that there is no point in doing anything unless you are going to be the best at it. In every single thing that I do, I want to be at the top of it. So when I discover that I have achieved that, I feel truly alive, there is something deeply satisfying about putting all the work I can into something then discovering that it was all worth it. I can be happy with just doing well on something but nothing can compare to the rush of truly being at the top. It's not a matter of wanting to be better than everyone else but more about seeing all my effort paid off in the end. I try my hardest to put my everything into something, so in way it’s like I put my entire life into the work, so when I thrive at it I know that my life was meaningful and I can truly feel alive. Due to this the place where I do end up feeling alive often is school, because of the countless opportunities to succeed and chances to be the greatest at something. One huge example of this, when I found out that I had gotten into one of the top universities in the country before most people. I felt like all the work that I had previously put into school had finally paid off and become something of tangible value. I can feel alive at school for another reason, although it more often occurs outside. I doubt there is many people who do not enjoy spending time with those they love or care about, but for me it is particularly important. The moments I can best recall fondly are those with my friends or my family. Even if it was just a small meaningless moment, I will always remember it as one of the best moments in my life. I consider myself to be an introverted person and I often need to be alone to recharge, but I still care deeply about the time I spend with others. There really is nothing that can make me feel quite as alive as telling or hearing a joke with friends, or just talking with them, or spending time with my family. There really is no explanation for this besides the fact that having people you care about, and people who care about is something key to being a person. As much as people complain about a lack of trust in relationships, or fake friends, having friends and family is still necessary to living. Not only is forming relationships key to human survival it is also a very important element in actually feeling alive. This is definitely true for me because I don’t think anything is better than the feeling of being alive with those you love.

My Book: "The Way Back"

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Don't Stop Believin'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCy7lLQwToI

Don’t Stop Believin’

The song that I selected to analysis to “Don’t Stop Believin’” by the popular band Journey recorded and released in 1981. In my opinion, the main idea for this song is about the common search for love in a world we’re all somewhat lonely. The song discusses how life can make everyone feel lonely and we’re all just looking for love and companionship. The song also mentions the hardships of life and all the things we use to fill that void.

The first verse is about adolescence and the loneliness we experience during it and our will to escape it. “Just a small town girl...Living in a lonely world” and “Just a city boy...Born and raised in South Detroit” both are very different people but they share the same experiences of the world and want to escape it which is discussed in the next line. After both of these lines in the verse the lines “Took the midnight...Goin’ anywhere” are sung this shows that both of these very different people share the same will to escape their lonely lives and leave, even it is just to “anywhere”

The next verse is about the different places and ways that people try to find love or at least something to distract them. “Singer in smoky room...The smell of wine and cheap perfume” is invoking the imagery of a bar a place where people both try to find love and spend their time trying to ignore their problems. “For a smile they can share the night...It goes on and on, and on, and on” this line actually talks about the finding of companionship but to me it still doesn’t mean the finding of love. It really talks about how people are so desperate to not be lonely that they will form a relationship just on the basis of a smile. And the fact that it goes “on and on…” is implying that this is cycle that is continue as we always search of love and companionship.

The third verse is about the people who are searching for love and the deeper meaning to that. “Strangers waiting...Up and down the boulevard” is about how about endlessly search for love just constantly walking about hoping to find a complete stranger to make a connection with. “Their shadows searching...In the night” brings up the imagery of shadows, in the this case meaning people’s hidden selves and secrets. “Streetlight people” contrasts this by discussing light, from this we can probably determine that this means the people that are roaming the streets looking for love can only see the face that people but on in public because the light has illuminated and removed their shadow. “Livin’’ just to find emotion...Hidin’ somewhere in the night” is referring the fact that people are okay with only seeing the fake version of people as long as they get to form some kind of kind of emotional connection.

The fourth verse is about how the trials and tribulations of life affects people and how they try to escape it. “Workin’ hard to get my fill...Everybody wants a thrill” may be about how everybody works hard to get the basic needs of life but still wants something that actually excites them. This line may also be implying how some people will resort to getting cheap thrills, like sex, instead of working for love. “Payin’ anything to roll the dice...Just one more time” as previously mentioned throughout the song people have a lot of struggles in life and rarely find true love to help them. So this line is probably about the great price people would pay in order to get another chance at having a better life. “Some will win...Some will lose” elaborates on this further saying that some people will get a good roll and have a great life, while others will get a bad one. “Oh the movie never ends...It goes on and on, and on, and on” again brings about the metaphor of a cycle that people will continue living out. There will always be people will good lives and people will bad lives.

The chorus takes a different view on all this, by presenting a more optimistic view of life and love. The main line of the chorus is relatively self-explanatory, “Don’t stop believing...Hold on to that feeling” this line is telling people to not give up on the search for love even though it is incredibly hard and rare. The chorus again mentions the symbol of “streetlight people” but in this context it is saying that although we may only form connections with people’s public face it is possible for us to form deeper emotional connections. The main idea or moral of the song is brought to full form in the chorus as although the rest of the song lists all the reasons why the search for love is impossible, the chorus states that it is still important to hold on to love because when you working so hard to find it is what makes it so great.

It is for that reason why this song really appeals to me, because it makes a lot of deep and even dark observations about people, while still giving a positive message. There are a lot of terrible things about life but this song still makes you feel better about it. Not by simply ignoring the problem like a lot of “happy” songs, but by recognizing the problem and still finding something good in it. Overall this song is an excellent observation and analysis of the human condition and love, while still being fun to listen too.

Rejection

It’s not often I get rejected, but I feel like I do

I never give anyone the chance

Long before someone could even think that I would have something to propose I feel rejected

“They would never say yes” “They probably never even thought about” “Why risk it”

These grand fantasies of the possibilities I could have had, they’ve been rejected

Not by someone else but by myself

I never give myself the respect to even consider it

Pure delusions of grandeur

“That could never happen to me” “Why waste my time”

I’m not good enough

Rejection is sharp stab from others but from yourself it’s constant anguish

I never been rejected by another

But I always reject myself

Unwanted

It’s a damp Halloween night as the rain falls bitterly from the sky and drenches everything around me. The bowl I’m laying in is opressive and crowed, despite the fact that it’s filled with colourfully wrapped sweets unlike myself. While the popular candies like KitKats and Skittles are always quickly scooped up, I’ve never gotten a chance to feel wanted. Why? I am simply a lowly piece of salted black licorice.

It's so fucking cold out here. I heard other candies get to stay inside on nights like this. At least I'm near the bottom, so the rain isn't hitting me quite as bad as the ones on top. Some of the others get to stay together in bright, pretty packaging. Not me. I'm here by myself, in a clear, boring plastic wrapper. I guess a single piece of salted black liquorice just doesn't get the same amount of love and craving as a goddamn package of fuzzy peaches. Whatever, it won’t matter in the end anyways.

The children continuously snatch candies here and there greedily from this cheaply made orange and black plastic bowl. I feel little hands of costumed children grab as much candy as they can from where I am currently trapped. The bowl was left outside by the lazy people that purchased me in the first place, giving candies like me zero hope of trick-or-treater’s picky candy selection. I’m so lonely. The longer I lay here, the greater the threat of being left behind and forgotten becomes; but I wouldn’t expect anything better at this point.

Then it happens. A little boy comes up to the porch and reaches into the bowl to grab a handful of us candies when I suddenly notice a warmth I’ve never felt before. I’ve been chosen! The boy inspects the goodies he acquired and spots me among the others.The rush of wind that surrounds me as I fall through the air and back into the bowl takes away any hope I’ve had of being carried off and wanted. I watch as the boy turns away and smiles with joy as he eats the good candy.

The concept of time evades me and the seemingly endless hours go past, countless gleeful children taking the every last bit candy around me, leaving me cold and alone. I watch in agony and disappoint as a light begins to crest above the now nearly empty bowl. I guess it’s over, I’m not wanted.

As I begin to wonder what will become of me I hear something in the distance. It sounds like gasping or heavy breathing or maybe... panting? It’s quiet and small but I can hear it getting louder as the distance separating us shrinks until there is practically nothing in between. I listen as the sound of the small footsteps walking up the concrete stairs stops before me. Looking up towards the edge of the bowl, I see the silhouette of a small dog. It peers above the bowl, and almost looks as if it's smiling as it's muzzle dips below the edge of my confine and grabs me by my wrapper. The dog trots its way down the stairs and continues up the street, towards the breaking dawn and my freedom at last.

Regret II

People are always want more from life, not matter how high I reach I always want to go higher. That's why I regret things maybe even if I think it was the right decision I wish I could have made a better one.

I think I did the right thing but I do regret what I did to you.

 

I regret the time I thrusted the knife through your stomach and watched as you bleed. I regret when I washed my hands of the blood. 

I regret wiping the floor of the blood and carrying you to the basement

At least now I can love you the way I want too

I just regret that I did't do it sooner

Regret

It’s impossible to choose every option when presented with a choice, so no matter what you do you will at one point in time make the wrong choice. Maybe we don’t realize it at the time but someday we will all look back and have regrets based on choices we made or the chances we didn’t take. So what then, if we all have regrets than what makes them hurt so much, it's because deep down we all want more. We always live our lives trying to reach the top but no matter how high we get, we always need more. Even if the good choices outweigh the mistakes I will always think about things I could have had, or the places I could be, but now I’m stuck in place. To me life is like walking through tunnels, sometimes you have a different direction you could move in, but you can never go back, and you can never see where you're going, so once you reach the end and you look back to see the paths you could have walked, and you realize that you lost. We like to say that all people can succeed in life and do something that makes them happy but in reality there really are people who lose at life, and it’s a scary thought so we, myself included like to ignore it. So what can we do about it, well nothing really, we will all have regrets and some of us will be losers but no matter what we are where we are so we might as well find something good in it. I don’t think about the relationships I lost because of a miscommunication, I think of the love I have in the relationship I have now. I don’t think about the tests I didn’t study for or the homework I forgot to do, I think about the tests I did well on and the places I’m going because of them. I don’t think about the fact I might fail to reach my goals I think about the goals I’ve already hit and the ones I’m going to. I don’t think about how I'm probably going to fail, I pretend, and act like I'm winning.
But maybe that's what I'll end up regretting.